Stop Controlling Your Child, Start Connecting
Parenting norms are evolving. Justice center parenting is a new way forward.
Author Cindy Wang Brandt brings a unique perspective to the table. Her invaluable insights shed light on the mistreatment and invisibility often faced by children in society. Her journey of self-reflection and advocacy for children has sparked a much-needed conversation about the importance of justice when it comes to parenting.
You can watch Cindy’s full interview here.
This post delves deep into the heart of safe parenting and explores the transformative power of a conscious, healthy, compassionate approach to parenting.
How to shift away from controlling parenting and into connective parenting:
Listen to Children's Needs: By honoring and validating children's emotions, we can create an environment that fosters trust and open communication. As Cindy notes, "Our role as parents is to listen and learn from our children as they communicate their needs and develop their own personalities and beliefs." This is in contrast to the more common approach of trying to control children's behavior through punishment, rewards and other manipulative strategies.
The Gentle Collaboration Approach: Instead of succumbing to power dynamics, we can adopt a collaborative approach, viewing the family as a team. This means prioritizing gentle communication and working together, even if it means compromising on certain preferences. The key is to strike a balance that considers the needs of both the child and the parents.
Reject Harmful Theological Concepts and Providing for Children: The harmful effects of the doctrine of "Original Sin" (where the child is viewed as a sinful being from birth) and "Total Depravity" (where the child is viewed as incapable of good without intervention by an outside force) should be rejected. These are false ideas than can be used to justify abuse or controlling behavior.
Children are not inherently evil and do not need harsh discipline to learn and grow. It is important to support children and view them as full humans deserving of respect, and dignity.
Understanding child development and setting up your child for success is a key part of being a good parent. It is important to remember that children are not miniature adults, they develop at different rates and have unique needs.Delight in Your Kids: Embracing the whimsy and hilarity of parenting unlocks transformative joy. Taking time to truly see and appreciate our children for who they are cultivates a deep connection that enhances their well-being. Allow yourself to savor these moments and infuse parenting with delight.
Your children can sense your delight or lack thereof. Expressing delight in your children can lead to more confidence, stronger parent-child bonds, and a healthier sense of well-being in your family.
Solution-Focused Tips:
Repair and Learn: Good parenting includes acknowledging our mistakes and offering sincere apologies. Focus on learning from these mistakes and doing better moving forward without getting caught in a constant cycle of self-blame. Rather than fixating solely on apologizing, prioritize building genuine connections with your children. This ensures that trust and understanding flourish, allowing for a healthier parent-child relationship.
Collaborate vs. Control: The parenting role often comes with a significant amount of power. As such, it can be tempting to attempt to control our children’s lives with an iron fist. This can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment when they don’t do what we want them to do or when they make mistakes. Instead of trying to control your kids, focus on collaborating with them on problem-solving and decision-making. As Cindy says, sometimes the outcome will be the same (the child may have to put their shoes on when they don't feel like it), but approaching the situation with gentleness, perspective on the child's development, and the energy of teamwork vs authoritarianism makes all the difference.
Conclusion:
Cultivating an environment that prioritizes respect, justice, and honor for children is a must for creating a better future. By adopting the tips discussed in the article, you can make a difference in your child's life and create an atmosphere of love and trust.
It is time to revolutionize parenting norms and create a better future for our children.
Relevant Links:
- Cindy Wang Brandt’s Website: https://cindywangbrandt.com/
- Cindy Wang Brandt’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cindywangbrandt
- Cindy on Twitter: https://twitter.com/cindywangbrandt
- Cindy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/parentingforward/
- Cindy’s Book: https://cindywangbrandt.com/parenting-forward/
- Text message service: To sign up, text the word "courage" to 917-809-7311
- Courage 365: Facebook Group - www.facebook.com/groups/courage365
