Escaping Religious Domestic Violence
Have you ever felt trapped in a situation where your beliefs were manipulated and used against you? Religious abuse is a type of emotional abuse that can be hard to identify and escape. Shirley Fessel, a guest on the Courage Conversation podcast, shares her courageous journey of breaking free from religious Domestic Violence.
As a former minister's wife, she found herself trapped in a situation where the institutional church and the people in it failed to provide the support she needed. Determined to reclaim herself and protect her children from the horrors of abuse to escape and now teaches other women how they can do the same.
You can watch Shirley’s full interview here.
What to Know Before You Leave Domestic Violence in the Christian Home:
Recognize Abuse in Religious Settings
Victims of religious abuse can experience various levels of confusion, preventing them from understanding the abusive dynamics at play. Abuse can easily masquerade as the will of God, making it even harder to escape. It is essential to recognize the signs of religious abuse and to identify manipulative and sociopathic tactics utilized in these situations.
Some of these signs include the following:
The abuser claims authority from God and uses this as a means to justify their behavior. This can include the use of scripture, or religious practices to exert control.
The abusive person may isolate you from family members, friends and others who could provide support. They may also use guilt trips and shame tactics to keep you in line with their wishes.
The abusive person may be financially controlling, taking money from you without permission or making all the financial decisions for both parties involved.
The abusive person may engage in emotional abuse and manipulation. This can include using guilt trips and shame tactics to keep you in line with their wishes. They may also use fear tactics, such as threatening to harm themselves if you try to leave. Abusers often become most dangerous if they sense you are planning to leave.
Here are three solution-focused tips for anyone who is struggling with religious abuse:
1. Educate Yourself
Educate yourself on the various techniques and tactics used by manipulators and sociopaths in religious contexts. Uncover the subtle ways they use scripture to justify their actions and manipulate victims. Awareness is key to identifying these toxic behaviors.
2. Trust Your Intuition
Strengthen your connection to your inner self. Cultivate your intuition and use it as a guide to navigate confusion and manipulation. It may take some time to listen to your intuition, but trusting yourself and your inner voice can help to break free from religious abuse.
3. Seek Help and Resources
Reach out to professional counselors, social support networks, and organizations like Courage 365 that specialize in supporting survivors of religious abuse. No one should have to go through this alone, and there are resources available that can help you break free from religious abuse.
Check out our Need Help Page for supportive resources and safety hotlines.
Conclusion:
Shirley's story serves as a powerful reminder that religious abuse exists, can leave lasting scars, and must be addressed. Breaking free from an abusive environment can be difficult, but it is possible with the right support, tools, and resources.
Remember: It is your choice as to whether or not you wish to remain a person of faith after experiencing abuse. Either way is a valid path forward and there are resources for Christians and non-Christians alike.
Relevant Links:
- Shirley Fessel’s Book, Redemption from Biblical Battering, for Christian women: https://redemptionbb.com/book/
- Shirley Fessel’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Fessup44/
- Grant, (must Read the book to be considered): https://redemptionbb.com/grant/
- Text message service: To sign up, text the word "courage" to 917-809-7311
- Courage 365: Facebook Group - www.facebook.com/groups/courage365
